Thursday, March 23, 2006

I'm not gonna lie, I won't be a gentleman. Behind the boathouse, I'll show you my dark secret

It's 20 degrees below zero right now. It's so freaking cold. There's like a note where my balls used to be. The note said something about packing up and leaving, be back around summer. The thing about cold like this is it's not just regular cold. I'm not thinking "oh it's cold and that sucks". No, I'm thinking "gee it's so freaking cold that I'd love to hang myself but I bet the rope would snap from the cold before I even put the noose around my neck. And on top of that you've got the wind. So here it is, 20 below and then the wind starts blowing. And here it's not like 5 miles an hour. Oh no, when it's 20 below that damn wind just has to blow 20 to 30 miles an hour. How did I get so lucky. God, what happened to my life goal of after high school just living in the Carribean smoking pot with the locals, drinking rum, sleeping until noon and bartending at night? How the hell did I end up here. I gotta tell you, I'm only 22, but some days I feel like an old man. All I do is get up and go to work at a job I can't stand, in a place I don't want to be. I can hear my Dad's voice saying "Aww quit your bitchin' and make me another Tanqueray and Tonic."...yes sir :-( But I'd rather live here than live with my Dad and Stepmom. Ok, I'd rather live on the floor of a manure factory than live with my parents again. So maybe I should listen to my dad, after all I do love a good Tanqueray and tonic!

I like Hillary Swank again. I didn't there for a while. Howard said something about how he couldn't get past the whole Hillary Swank in Boys Don't Cry thing and he had a hell of a point. I mean she played a hell of a convincing boy. But then I saw Million Dollar Baby and The Next Karate Kid and I gotta tell you, she's hot again in my book. How old was she in Karate Kid? Because she was really hot there, uh, unless she was 14 or something... then she wasn't.

I wish I was in Hollywood. I think I'd be ok. I'd be like that guy who was an actor but totally commuted back to the real world and lived a normal life. Ok ok when I wasn't banging celebrities and getting blow from them. Plus I'd go to like colleges (ok fine high schools) and stuff and try to fit in just to get hot young girls who weren't famous. "Didn't I see you in Rocky 6?" "Uh yeah baby, let's go back to your dorm room (ok parent's house) and talk about it"

It's NCAA basketball tournament time. This is the only time I become crazily obsessed with college basketball. I was watching ESPN and I saw highlights of the girls tourney andthere are some hot chicks playing basketball nowadays. Back in high school the only girls who played basketball were the scary closet lesbians...and my ex-girlfriend, oh wait a minute...

Remember I love you all and I will write soon

Go Wichita State

Ben

"I'm gonna call my therapist and say I've got a whole new bag of issues, we can forget about mom for a while"

When my parents were doing it, do you think they ever thought they'd create something so scary looking? Hey it's a contest "Who can have the ugliest weirdest looking dork kid??"...Ding Ding Ding, Lora and Eric, see what you've won....It's a new car....

1 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

I'm thinking of a caption like....

"Huh?" "YOU SSSHUT up, I'll kill all of ya." (clinky clinky)

You kill me man. We love the hell out of you and Kristen and are counting the days! But for now, a few memorable quotes being you were so gracious as to leave some for me.

"Contrary to what you and yer daddy think, not all cowboys are dumb, some of us got smarts real good."

also...

"YOU TELL ME WHERE YOU CAN GET HIGH QUALITY FETUSES FOR FIVE CENTS ON THE DOLLAR, CRAIG, YOU TELL ME!...AAAHHH CRAIG, YOU'RE BREAKIN' MY BALLS"

9:39 PM

 

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