Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I arrived in the country with clothing, US dollars and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.

Due to popular demand by uh...one person...I am back. I know it's been a while but I am really excited about tonight's post. I am here to announce the launch of my campaign "Going Red". Now, we've all heard about these liberal hippies with their "going green" demands. Such as I don't know, driving hybrids and not eating meat or something. Well, I am here to defend my right, our right, to contribute to the myth of global warming, or as I call it, another natural heating cycle of the earth. Now, you are probably asking yourself, self, I am just one person/wookie/transvestite, how can I make a difference? Well my friends, it's all those little things that you do that can really help.

Easy daily tips to increase your carbon footprint:

  • Take a longer, hotter shower.
  • Leave the water on while you brush your teeth
  • Blow-dry your hair
  • Dress comfortably while at home or the office, you can always turn the heat up, or the AC lower.
  • Speaking of heat, leave it really high in the winter, so it's like you're in the Caribbean and leave the AC on really cold in the summer so it feels like you've got a nice beach breeze
  • Running into the store for smokes? Smoke up Johnny and keep that SUV idling. Remember, your SUV craves Alaskan oil.
  • Did you just recycle that plastic bottle? Silly hippie, recycling is for the French. Throw that bottle in the garbage, and don't forget to flick your cigarette butt out onto the road.
  • Speaking of SUV, it's looking a little dirty. Let's pull into the gas station and get it washed.
There, now that's just a small sampling of ways to "Go Red" even before you get to work. If we all do our part, just imagine how much better this place will be!

Now onto other stuff. Kristen and I found out at our latest ultrasound that our child will be a boy! I've gotten all of his measurements so I can keep track of his throwing arm size and his legs to see how fast he will be. Other than that, it's the same old same old in good old Wisconsin. Still working, still broke, and still hating everyone (with some exceptions). I am excited for summer though. Nothing beats Brewers baseball, State Fair and Summerfest! All right everybody, have a good night, see you soon!



Anonymous Chrissy said...

Good boy, Ben. You get a biscuit. :-) Incidently, you forgot to tell everyone to leave all the lights on when not in the house. I mean, the house might be afraid of the dark, right?

9:58 PM

Anonymous Kristin said...

Good for people to know.

6:48 PM

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