On the boats and planes, they're coming to America, never looking back again, they're coming to America

Hey folks, been a long time, I'm back for a minute to talk to you about some stories that I've seen floating around on the internet the past couple days. The first one is from cnn.com, an awesome site for news. It says "egyptian students disappear in the U.S.," yes I know I didn't capitalize egypt, I don't capitalize countries that hate America, so basically I don't capitalize any country. Anyways, I put a link to the story here, but I'll sum it up for you. http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/08/08/egyptian.students/index.html Basically 11 students that entered the US on valid student visas, who were supposed to show up at Montana State University for Moses knows what, disappeared. They never showed up, blah blah blah. Um...yeah no shit they never showed up, they got to New York and said sweet, now we continue osama's work. You know if I was the government, I would be shitting my pants right about now. "Uh yeah we've got 11 egyptian muslims on the loose somewhere in the US but no big deal." Bull. Shut down the airports, shutdown the highways, search every frickin' house and find these idiots, I'll help. I mean, what do you think happened? Do you really think that they "forgot to go to Montana for school". They had this planned from day one. I'm telling you right now, if we don't find these guys now, we're gonna pay for it later.

#2 Um, at the risk of being called a racist, although we've had this discussion before and remember I'm a selective racist. I only hate certain races and usually not all of that particular race. For instance, I don't hate blacks, I don't hate mexicans or germans, or Jews or pollacks or blondes, or hot lesbians. But anyways...why isn't the middle east a huge gas station yet??? I'm getting impatient. It's not because gas is $3.15 a gallon and it's definitely not because my ancestors are kicking hez(no)ball's ass. I figure 2 or 3 nukes would solve the problem. That's not even tapping into our arsenal. The president wouldn't even break a sweat. Shit, he could launch 3 nukes from Crawford, TX probably. There's probably 3 nukes aboard air force 1. This is my plan. I call it....Ben's Plan.

1) Get all of our soldiers out of the middle east.
2) Get all American civilians out of the middle east.
3) Relocate the Jews somewhere like Miami or the Chicago lakefront, you know, anywhere where there's already a shitload of them anyways and no one will notice.
4) Drop nukes on iraq, iran, syria, lebanon, north korea, egypt (basically all of the middle east, except for united arab emirates they have those cool buildings in dubai, but rename the country united non-arab emirates.)
5) Wait 5 days, check for survivors. If there are any, repeat step 4.
6) Wait for the clouds to clear, then start pumping that oil baby.

That's all I have...I anxiously await the hate mail!